Man Oh Man...The last two day s have just been awful...

On Sunday I had the most fabulous cereal binge! 4 Cups of special K and cheerios! Like WTF... Not good. Plus we went to my god sister's for dinner. Although I cleverly pre-prepared and stuffed my pockets with tissues. The majority of the food on my plate went into those tissues and then down the toilet lol. I was fairly punished by Karma though, after my weekend pig-out, and now have a rather upset stomach. Wont go into details, but I'm sure you get my drift.

If only i had the courage to purge, I wouldn't have this problem. A phobia of vomiting is not the greatest phobia of them all.

Today, will be better... It has been better...I am fully determined, and plus my mums at work so she's not here to monitor my food intake. I have consumed 0Kcals in total and am just about to go for one of my long walks which will put me in the negative, calories wise.

Other than my lovely gluttonous weekend, all else is well. i still haven't been socialising, but that's nothing new. Good god, you wouldn't know that I was a 19 year old student in her prime by the way I go on. It's not that I don't want to go out and have fun. It's just that, I somehow can't bring myself to be all bubbly and sociable. I just want to wallow in self pity. Sad I know.

I've had my hair cut AGAIN, (swear I'm addicted to it) courtesy of my mother. Its a nice little pixie do. Very short. Much shorter than I ever thought I'd have the courage to go to, but I think short hair suits me more than long hair.

I can finally start my crunches again! Well by start I mean increase the measly number of 100 to 500, now that my surgery wound is less painful. I swear I know I've been saying this every time I write, so it probably seems like I'm not enjoying my tine at home, but I can't WAIT, to get back to uni and my own space.

I've had a great time at home, binge worthy but great, but I just can't wait to get back into swimming, fasting and restricting PROPERLY! Its just not possible to keep up with all the things I like to do alone, because I never get much time alone at home. Deep down I know my mum loves me and she's just concerned about me, same with my dad, but they can't seem to see that I'm under control, and I know what I'm doing. Just because they want to eat cakes and ice cream and all things sugar and fat, doesn't mean I want to.

One thing I am pleased about, is the fact that I've managed to keep away from pasta and all things cheesy (apart from cottage cheese) whilst I've been home...Thank Fuck. I can't bare to eat pasta. I'm positively convinced it's what's caused me to gain all this wait during recovery. I was eating that everyday. I mean I may have been in recovery, but my eating was still greatly disordered and like typical old me, I felt pasta and cheese were my SAFE foods. Safe food!! Ha. Sounds like the thoughts of a seriously disillusioned person to me.

Anyways, this post has been a full on rant, so I apologise to anyone who has been reading it. Hopefully you will have found It humorous to some degree. Or else you just think I'm insane. I'll accept that Lol...

Hope everyone else had a much better weekend than me

A-J x

REMEMBER:Everyone has a skinny side...